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(incidents that touched my life directly)
Helen
I am haunted by the cold and heartless murder of a woman who was very special to me. The impact this woman had on my life is immeasurable, and was more deeply felt after she died. She was my high school English teacher, elegant and captivating, she reached young people on a level most teachers only dream of. She taught us how to hear the messages between the words, and how to use language and communication to reach people on a deeper level than is typical. She challenged us to strive for more, yet she accepted less. Everyone knew her for her kindness, her truthful laughter, her beauty, approachability, and the way she connected; we envied and admired her in many ways, and we respected her.
When she was savagely murdered, the cold harsh news was made even more devastating when it was her husband who was accused and arrested. He was actually the gym teacher at the same school; we all knew him, but no one saw it coming. No one expected she was giving of herself everyday, then going through so much alone with him, and certainly no one expected he was an abuser, let alone capable of murder. She was deceived by him, as we all were, but she was trapped by him, her own heart, compassion and incomprehensible, beautiful hopefulness.
She is dearly missed. Her impact and message live on in me and all those she reached; she captured completely, what it means to be full of grace in darkness.
She left behind two young children
He is serving a life sentence in prison
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Tracie
I watched my sister come to terms with the murder of her close friend. Tracie was murdered by a man whom she had met through a dating agency she had joined, figuring it was safer to meet men this way. After several months of dating her "match," she realized he was a little off and began to disconnect from him.
He refused to accept her rejection, and stalked her relentlessly. Despite restraining orders and repeat cries for help from the law and friends, she was alone in her concern over him; everyone underestimated her instincts and her experiences with him, convincing her that she would be okay and that eventually he would give up and leave her alone. He fooled many, all disbelieving that the nice guy they saw would seriously harm her.
For many months, he followed her everywhere and watched her from a distance. As she was scared to be alone, her friends took turns staying with her. One evening, he watched as her and her friend left the apartment to go for a walk; once they were out of sight, he broke in and hid in her bedroom closet. Upon their return, Tracie noticed something was out of place, so she went upstairs to check on things-at which time he jumped out of the closet, and shot her in the face, killing her instantly. Her friend fled once she heard the shot, barely escaping with her life, then he turned the gun on himself and took his own life.
One woman murdered after months of emotional torture and many attempts to be heard
Another directly impacted forever
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Robin
My friend's sister was murdered; hers was a high profile case dubbed "one of the decades most intriguing murders..." as reports repeatedly slandered the young woman for her lifestyle, her death was positioned as one to gloss over if not for the fascinating detail of an obsessed/infatuated lover turned murder, who just so happened to be the head of a research unit, and a professor, at Tufts University Medical School in Boston. He was married with three children, and embezzling money from Tufts to keep company with Robin. Several months into their relationship, she tried to end their affair (again), and he flew into a rage over the idea of losing his mistress whom he had started stalking. He viciously murdered her in his home, and disposed her body.
The media circus was disgraceful, playing out the story to entice, rather than to inform, essentially blaming the victim while aggrandizing the murderer. Running the victim down for good headlines as her family tried to get their minds and hearts around how they could have helped her, or maybe even rescued her only added more pain. Grieving was forced to take company with shock, embarrassment, and hurt over the disparaging whispers of extortion, drug use, and the exchange of sex for money.
One woman murdered, her body never found
Her family forever affected
The murderer was divorced by his wife, served only 8-1/2 years in prison, then reportedly married a prison guard while still incarcerated
This leaves no question about his cunning nature...he was able to get the interest of a prison guard, one who is trained into awareness over his kind, and who should have known better. These men are smooth and unsuspecting, even to professionals. She fell for him in spite of the obvious truths and danger.
This woman would have revealed certain qualities (traits) that he noticed and played upon to win her over.
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On a Personal Note:
Although your first instinct may be to think I must have run with a dangerous, sketchy, crowd to have had so much exposure to domestic violence--or you may assume that I came from a lowly or low socio-economic background, quite the opposite is true.
Domestic violence is not selective, any and every socio-economic background, ethnicity, and educational level can be affected. Abused women can be professionals, stay-at-home-moms, blue-collar workers, rich, or poor. There is no discrimination and it is not always as obvious as we think it is, or as drastic as the stories we hear in the media. There are various levels of harm that can experienced, and subtle destructiveness can still cause tremendous harm and damage to women.
It seems women and violence have always been a big part of my life. I experienced it myself in the undeniably obvious way, and in the not-so-obvious, more subtle way that was almost more destructive to my life. I came through the turmoil, pain, and heartfelt disappointments with pride, strength, a wounded heart~and big mouth. I am determined to make the world a better place for women by raising women's awareness so that we can end the violence ourselves, one by one, in a unique way. I hope to help others develop a higher consciousness, less embarrassment, more vocality, a greater personal awareness, and pride for having survived On a broader scale, the goal is to help create mutually respectful, rewarding, and successful relationships in the world, where women don't just endure, but thrive.
I have to believe my exposure to domestic violence, danger, and destruction, was for this very purpose. I've had some powerful lessons and made some remarkable changes in my own life, and I've learned from many; it is my goal for women to be self-ware and self-protective in a new way, realizing that self-defense and self-protection come from our instincts, our awareness, and from understanding and noticing how we are, too often, there for the benefit of another, at our own expense.
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