Stop looking for abuse and start looking for destruction.
Even subtle toxicity over time is very damaging.
The 5 Steps to Success Formula
Attacks These Key Areas:
These are the behaviors, actions, and tricks the bad guys use. Identify destructive traits, even the most subtle ones, and you'll be shocked at quickly you can get sucked into danger or destruction with a bad guy ~ these same tricks are used after a break up or during/after a divorce, by the way. Every woman should learn them.
The Traps are the RESPONSES that get women caught and sucked back in.
Identify your response to toxic behaviors, destructive actions & subtle trickery and you learn how you are perceived and if you would pass a destructive guys' test or not.
Women are not aware of how automatic these responses are, and how they wave a "green flag" to the destructive men out there. Women who have a bad track record in love are waving green flags all over the place, drawing in toxicity and harm without even realizing it. Destructive guys are looking for the green flag wavers! These guys don't just go for any lady, they know what kind of woman is going to tolerate them, and they need a certain kind of woman to pursue. They will Test you to see if you have any of these green-flag responses...then target you as the one (the prey)...and they move fast to impress, to charm the pants off you, and maybe even try to get to your money. They are subtle, and so are your responses to them, so you need to know what the women who have already been caught learned. These guys are charm pros, they lie, cheat, sneaks, deceive, and gaslight...but they do it all while anticipating your responses so they can use it to their advantage ~ at your expense. By learning what destructive guys see in women (or in you), and knowing what you might be doing to wave your own green flag, you give yourself the advantage.
You're almosthome free just with this info alone, but then it gets better...
When you MATCH his Destructive Traits to your typical Responses, you instantly see how you get trapped in the toxic cycle with destructive men. You'll start to understand why you've had a string of Mr. Wrongs, why it never works out, why you feel so bad when you stay or when you leave, and how you get sucked back in repeatedly...and why you are so exhausted from trying to make it work when it seems like it should be so easy to do so.
The Match Up segment is a real eye-opener! It's even a little fun. It highlights what destructive guys do, or what yours did, and it shows how women get caught out by using certain (often automatic) responses that align them to be taken advantage of. There are certain responses that feed a destructive guy, almost encouraging his chaos, drama, and harm, and it's this same stuff that keeps you attracted to, and stuck in, crazy-making relationships that go nowhere.
These relationships have an "addictive-like" quality to them
that isn't easy to break out of unless you do a Match Up.
You will learn exactly how toxic men test their targets, and then move in on certain women if they respond in a certain way. You'll learn if you are seen as prey to a destructive guy, and it will (should!) make you mad!! That would be a good reaction to have! These guys rely upon certain reactions to trap, trick, charm, and harm,
even after you leave, even years later.
Once you start to see the connection between the Traits & the Traps,
you can't not see it ~ and it will change your life.
The Match Up changes the game & you can't get rid of destructive, harmful people and their impact unless youdraw the line and take action.
This is the most empowering step! This is where you craft NEW responses to toxic and destructive behaviors and set yourself free. You will have be given responses and create some of your own to personalize the take-back of your life. Boundaries are good, but the bad guys don't care about them because they know how to work around them, wear you out so you give up, or shock you so you are thrown and can't stand up for yourself in the moment. Response Mastery changes all that and helps you follow through with your boundaries on the fly, without second-guessing, explaining, defending, or reducing yourself ~ and without feeling guilty. Powerful life changing stuff!
This is the sweet spot. It's the art and practice of being unaffected by destructive people and their actions, behaviors and attempts to bring you down. You are free when you are living in Neutral, which means you can recover fast and stop the harm that comes at you, because you can't stop the abusers, bullies, losers, cheaters, and destructives. You can only alter your reactions to them and stop their momentum in your life, rendering them powerless no matter what they do or say ~ you just let them do their thing and are able to ignore them; they are nothing to you at this point and you can't be broken by them again.
This step is where your Response Mastery lessons are solid and being used every day ~ in every situation, not just with dating, men, or an ex, but everywhere you run into toxic or emotionally dead people. This step is where your confidence rises and you can spot toxic people seemingly everywhere (because you've honed your radar and your intuition - you listen to it now, and have become sensitive to the ways of destructive people, which is GOOD because you are also equipped to neutralize them and their harm, and soothe yourself right back into alignment f-a-s-t, stopping their harm from continuing, unlike before when it could linger. You begin tweaking your responses for differing situations, encounters, and people, and you make things more personal to you and your history.
You begin dating again in this step, hopefully not before, and it's a completely different approach. You can spot the potentially toxic guys, weed out the ones who won't commit, and notice the emotionally empty. You are practiced at compassionate rejection when someone doesn't fit with what you are looking for, you are more selective and less rushed, and practicing your new skills regularly. You enjoy new experiences because you are attracting and attracted to something totally different than you were before ~ and intensity no longer feels like passion or romance, and you are more self-protective. When you find a destructive, you know exactly what to do and how to shut them down and turn them off without feeling guilty or second-guessing yourself. You can also move on
f-a-s-t when a toxic person reacts to your confidence and boundaries, versus wavering, justifying, explaining yourself, or defending your reasoning so they don't feel offended.
You are in self-care mode, and still compassionate!
Their crazy doesn't impact you any longer. If you have a run in with someone who is toxic, or you slip up, it doesn't matter because you catch yourself and get right back to Neutral because you have the strategies to do so, and that's where you live.
This step will turns up your confidence, increases your self-trust (you CAN find good men with solid character), your trust in men (there are way more good men out there and you can see them now and appreciate them), and your boundary assertion and follow through is easier and becoming more natural ~ which means you date and relate in a completely new way.
Advanced Level Training
After you have embraced your break up & finally finish with the past, you'll want to
so you can finally start finding all the good guys.
Women who have already completed the Start Over Program Steps 1 - 5 successfully and who are consistently applying the principles are invited to the next level of training where they practice dating in a new way, and then move on to intentional, dating where looking for a relationship is top priority, stress free & fun, the way dating is supposed to be!
Invitations to Steps 6 & 7 are sent out after you graduate from the first
Starting Over Success Program.
The Practice of Dating Differently
The Art of Deliberate, Intentional Dating
After you've had some practice time in Step 5 and you're ready up the ante and get serious about finding a committed, monogamous relationship or marriage with one of the good guys, these advanced level steps are covered together in a separate program so you can have optimal support ~ and a new kind of result.