and how to recover, rebuild, avoid~and start over strong.
Teagin's step by step Start Over Programs show women how to
notice and avoid toxic and dangerous partners
how to recover from a break up with destruction and danger, safely & permanently
how to align for success in spite of emotional, physical, or financial abuse
and exactly what to do~right down to a script you can use so you don't get pulled back in to the chaos and drama head games these guys are known for.
By developing a Starting Over Master Plan with Scripts, women see clearly what they need to do.
They have actionable, realistic ways to spot & stop
toxic patterns, on-again/off again routines, unending break ups
and they know with certainty how to choose differently next time around by "dating deliberately"
~with self protection and safety as a top priority.
(because women who have had a destructive partner have a life-long risk of attracting other toxic relationships)
Teagin created Start Over Programs that challenge traditional teachings about abusive relationships, destructive partners, and starting over because none of what is currently being done is effective enough for women or their safety. It is NOT common for women to know how some get targeted, how many get trapped, or literally, how to avoid destructiveness or stop a toxic relationship early in the dating phase~or after a break up.
Break up safety training is practically non-existent and much of what is taught does NOT stop women from going back to an abuser or back into a questionable situation.
There is little specific help to rebuild self trust, emotional relief and self-protection in the future.
Our current system simply does not work, it does not serve women, it focuses on understanding abusers, abusive behaviors, and the “wheel of power and control.”
This forces women to focus on the abusers and the typical abuse patterns.
Those are important issues, but they are too limiting when it comes to educating women
about the subject and it doesn't help them recover from it or avoid it once it happens.
Teagin believes this singular focus positions women for more harm and keeps them stuck with abusers longer, as they looking for more evidence or proof, or justify why it isn't as bad as what the wheel suggests, and so they wait for the bad guy to change or for things to improve when often times, change is not possible. Women need to move on more quickly, but literally can’t stay away from the harm even when they know they should and want to. Knowing why that happens helps women break that cycle of negotiating with an abuser or returning to harm after promises.
This draws attention to the shortage of information about personality disorders, psychopathy in relationships and how the permanence of some conditions creates a dynamic that is near impossible to get away from on your own and without specific awareness on the subject matter.
Many women believe that if they aren’t being physically harmed or threatened (or if it isn’t happening regularly), then they don’t "qualify" as being abused or harmed and that is not true.
You don't have to be hit to be harmed.
There is too little information about financial abuse.
There is not enough awareness about how the legal system is used to maintain control or to punish.
There is only basic understanding about how harmful and long-lasting emotional abuse actually is.
Destructive guys exist, they aren’t going away.
We have to learn to anticipate them in some instances & women should have a break up strategy in advance, in case they find they got sucked in and trapped in a toxic situation.
Teagin's programs address these issues.
There is advance "what if" planning and strategizing to protect ourselves from fire, and from stranger attacks and rapist in self-defense courses around the country and on college campuses. As kids, we are taught to protect ourselves from strangers~but there is no uniform dating safety programs and many parents don't address how normal mental illness can appear-and yet young people spot the signs of it every day and don't know what to do. Pre-training and discussion about toxic, abusive, destructive love and personality disordered people is a must~and women need help figuring out how to stop the pervasive harm they suffer after they've been sucked in so they can create a new awareness and new patterns.
It makes sense to have anticipatory steps in place rather than trying to figure out what to do when we realize a guy is harmful after emotions are high and we've been manipulated.
By then, the trap is too tough to break out of on your own and a break up won't last.
Dangerous and destructive relationships will always exist because there will always be toxic personalities and personality disordered people, and so, women need to be aware of the possibility that they may at some point run into a guy with an unchangeable and damaging personality. Teagin provides this training and gives women access to information and education that is broader and more empowering than the typical abuser info~in advance, and she teaches women how to recover if they've already been caught out once or more.
Toxic, destructive, abusive relationships sneak up on unsuspecting women who are then ill-equipped to shut them down or to recover from them because no one expected it would happen to them. No one has any idea how to help those who are trapped in the On-Again/Off Again madness and toxic love that seems to defy sensibility and logic. We expect that at the most horrific time of your life, when you are emotionally distraught, mentally exhausted, and being manipulated that you will know how to deal and what to do, and that is just unrealistic.
It takes advance planning to see it and to know how to act on it if it happens to you.
Teagin addresses these issues in a new way from a more challenging perspective that holds women up to a higher standard because women who have been with destructive partners are strong and capable of getting through the toughest of times~they are just not used to putting themselves first. That's part of the reason they end up returning to abusive situations.
Leaving simply isn’t enough.
Teagin's programs provide realistic awareness and new solutions:
Expect the bad guys, anticipate them, and have strategies ready.
Don’t wait until you have a questionable situation, be prepared for one in advance - you'll have more power that way.
Don’t wait until a break up takes you down ~ have a strategy in place before you break up.
This is no different than taking a self-defense course for rape or a stranger attack - you don't know that it's going to happen but you prepare in advance just in case.
Harm from an intimate partner or toxic break up is more likely to happen to women
...and yet we don’t prepare for it.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU WERE ALREADY CAUGHT:
If you've been caught out by harmful love~you need to know how to get out of it completely and never have it again. You have to recover and start over from a different set of circumstances because break ups from toxic relationships are not the same normal break ups. You have unique needs and you will need a specific stay away strategy because ending the relationships with a destructive person is like trying to break an addiction. To stay away takes effort - partly because of the dynamic between the two of you and partly because he is versed at manipulation and trickery~and he will suck you back in repeatedly. To maintain self-protection you need the strength to stay away, and to get that strength it takes very little information, but you have to have the right kind of info and awareness or you won't end the past or the pattern once and for all. You can start over successfully after chaotic love whether your partner was a narcissist, a psychopath, a sociopath, emotionally or financially abusive - whatever the destructive behaviors were ~ providing you have a strategy.
Leaving isn't enough.
There is a mind-field to go through before you will be able to get your footing again after a destructive relationship, but once you see what really happened and how to overcome in a way that works, your life is yours completely again and it will never happen again, including during or after a break up or divorce, when you will be most vulnerable.
Start with the Trait Trapstm to build your awareness, strength, and resistance.
This is the first and most important step for dating and break up safety
and the solutions they include will help you begin to craft a strategy.
ie) the toxic or dangerous warning signs and experienced behaviors
the fake good & false stability he shows to catch you (that isn't real)
the games he plays that make you think he is someone he is not
ie) the way you respond to toxic / dangerous warning signs & behaviors
the way you respond to guys who harm
the way you get sucked in / why you believe him even when your gut says don't
The TRAIT is what TRICKs women.
The Response is what TRAPs women.
The MATCHING is what gets women crystal clear on what's going on. The Matching shows her how a destructive guy uses her responses against her to set her up, suck her in, and then how he relies on them to keep her stuck in an addictive cycle with him. Once the matching happens, she can break the cycle with her own responses.
She can stay safe and is empowered. She can self-protect and not give too much info or trust after a break up or during divorce. It stops the momentum immediately.
This clarity & the action it inspires frees women from destructive partnerships permanently.
Destructive guys rely on certain responses from women. From a destructive guys perspective, he is looking for someon who gives the "right" responses and then he pursues that one. The responses attract the destructives. The responses show toleratance, and cause women to return to toxic, non-committal men, harmful guys, the emotionally unavailable or those men who can't change-any of these describes a Mr. Wrong because it is someone who causes consistent harm in the relationship.
Because many women are unaware of how they are being positioned and tested by a destructive guy, some will repeatedly tolerate and return to the same guy despite his behavior or even after they break up. It is part of the pattern of destructive relationships and as destructive men are very crafty and able to deceive easily, gaslight often and manipulate and fool women into second guessing themselves, or into trusting them one more time, women are spinning trying to figure out how they got stuck or why they want to go back. Women who respond to such men in the "wrong" ways will continually attract the same guy back, or they will have a new guy come into their lives who ends up having the same kind of character flaws.
It is typical for the patterns to repeat with the same guy or with someone new.
It is typical for certain responses to cause toxic guys to hone in on certain women.
It is typical that when certain traits and responses combine, they make for a magnetic attraction~and an addictive-like bond that makes it amlost impossible to stay away from after a break up...
YOU use YOUR responses to YOUR advantage.
TRAIT TRAPS tm
will help you do that, quickly and easily.
This strategy will ground your awareness & position you to take your power back
This strategy alone will help you stay aware of harm~and stay away from harm
especially when your emotions and empathy are pulling you in another direction.
Having awareness about Trait Trapstm
makes it easier to recover from a break up because
it immediately provides a strategy that is specific to destructive relationships and aligns you for a
speedy “recovery” and first-rate avoidance techniques going forward
so you will never again repeat the past.
That strong, seemingly unbreakable magnetic hold that creates On-Again / Off-Again Cycles that are typical in toxic love disappears fast, and that matters because the On-Again / Off-Again dynamic is full of drama and intensity. The longer a woman is in that situation of intensity, the harder it is to break free and the more drama and intensity she craves from relationships. When a new guy enters the picture, if he is normal (and safe), he most likely will not come close to providing the same level of intensity and drama and he will probably be rejected or side lined because, in comparison, he will seem boring, uninteresting or even uninterested. The pursuit from destructive guys is always exceptional and can feel flattering, especially after a break up~or two or three from the same guy...
The Trait Trap Method™
liberates women from this On-Again/Off-Again rhythm
prevents you from getting sucked back in
stops you repeating patterns
builds self-awareness & self protection
builds trust in men and in relationships again
positions you to spot destructive men more quickly
respond in a self-protective ways~guilt free
shows you how to have strong boundaries AND what to do when they are crossed.
Destructive and Abusive Men will ALWAYS be out there.
Trying to stop domestic violence or harmful relationships is unrealistic and unachievable~it is an outward focused, resistant activity where women have no control. That's why we need information and training that is woman-centered & focused on exactly what you need to do when the bad stuff shows up. Knowledge on why it seems impossible to break free and how to actually do it when we are in troubled territory, and effective strategies to stay away~position women to stay away without guilt and start again without attracting, or being attracted to, destructive / abusive types.